I would be lying to you if I said that the end of this preseason has made me feel good. It’s hard not to have misgivings about our opening day fixture against Spurs when we haven’t scored in the last two preseason matches. Perhaps I should look at this preseason differently. Last preseason, we pillaged and burned through a number of A League foes before getting smoked by a Wolfsburg team that finished near the bottom of the table in Germany last year.

This preseason we played fewer games and scheduled seemingly better opponents. What is sad is that precious little has changed since last season. Everton is missing a consistent goal scorer. In game, that deficiency takes the form of Everton players creating and then spurning the great chances that fall to them. Those missed chances only add to the palpable frustration that can be felt building inside of Goodison Park (or at least in my apartment) during almost every match.

The match against Villareal was our first home match of the summer and it struck me how little had changed since last season. We had nearly the same line-up succumbing to precisely the same problems and, unless you count Yakubu (which you shouldn’t?!), no new faces. Despite the undercurrent of negativity this summer, the match against Villareal was going quite well until an appalling challenge from ‘Nigel de’ (Carlos) Marchena on Seamus Coleman set tempers alight. He should’ve been off. I don’t care if it’s a friendly. It was a two-footed challenge around the center circle and he got Coleman’s back leg. He missed the ball by almost four feet. As a professional footballer, that’s evidence of bad intent.  

Next came Everton’s usual second half decline. Last season, we had the tendency to only play one half in each game and I dare say that the tendency continues to plague us during the preseason (as you would expect). Apart from Tim Cahill, Marouane Fellaini, and Victor Anichebe exacting recompense from Marchena for his challenge on Coleman, only two things stick out in my mind from the second half. The first was a surging run from Leighton Baines. He beat Villareal’s entire defense and did everything but stick the ball into the back of the net. The second was the stunning free kick by Giuseppe ‘Born in the USA’ Iscariot (Rossi). Iscariot’s screamer was only partially tainted by the dive (yes, in a friendly) that his teammate made to earn the chance.

The one bright spot for Everton this summer, and against Villareal, has been the emergence of Ross Barkley. He swings passes around, he runs at players and his game is really impressive especially given that he’s a 17-year-old. Some, specifically those inside the commentary booth for Everton this preseason, have compared him to Steven Gerrard. I understand the comparison because Ross moves in a similar way, cutting across defenses and to try to look to slip a pass through or hit a long-range blast. They also run similarly. However, I’m happy to say that that is where the comparisons should cease since, to the best of my knowledge, Ross doesn’t (allegedly) assault DJ’s after they refuse to play his favorite song.

I guess this is the point where I talk about transfer rumor(s). The only credible rumor regarding Everton this week (none of them are credible) divided the Evertonian community worldwide. For much of the week, we were linked heavily with one Joseph Barton. Joey’s not particularly well liked anywhere in the Premier League but I’m certain that no fan base is more hesitant over him than the club he supports. Arguments raged on twitter and various fansites about whether he was worth the gamble or even whether he was worthy of wearing the Everton shirt. Fortunately, none of these arguments proved necessary since Everton was unable to meet Barton’s wage demands. Problem solved. Well done Bill and the Board, really crushed that rumor...and along with it many Evertonians’ hopes of getting any new signing this summer.

On to exit rumors (all involving Arsenal). Arsene Wenger has been spotted peeking his head over the fence at Finch Farm to watch Everton train more regularly in the past week. Word on the street is that they’ve made at least one and possibly two offers for Phil Jagielka. To his everlasting credit, ‘Jags’ has reportedly said that he’s not interested in being at the Arsenal. To be fair, though, it could be that he’s just getting caught up in the fad of players who don’t want to be a part of Arsenal Football Club (will that increase his valuation?). That said, Wenger is also in for Leighton Baines and, as of earlier today, Jack Rodwell. Arsene must have some special glasses that help him see Rodwell when he slips on his invisibility suit during games.

However, Arsenal do seem to be quite interested in bringing one of our players to London this summer. As such, I propose a deal that will benefit the entire footballing world: a swap deal, Phil Jagielka for Cesc Fabregas. Everton takes Fabregas and agrees to immediately sell him to Barcelona. If this deal goes through, Arsenal will get a good defender, Everton will get a much-needed injection of cash and the world will be able to rejoice in the knowledge that they never again be forced to endure the use of the term ‘Cesc-Gate’. Everyone wins.

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