1. Spieltag
Borussia Dortmund - Hamburger SV 3:1 (2:0)
"Whatever you do, don't mention the War!" Not possible with these Borussen. Especially when, in true Prussian form (for those etymologically-inclined, the "Borussia" appellation in BVB comes from the Latin form of "Prussia"), Dortmund's panzers players rolled across, around, over and through a motley collection of Czechs, Croats, Dutch and French (OK, he's English, but his name sounds French) in a blitzkrieg that picked up right where they left off in May. Feldmarschall Jürgen K. (the successful one) welcomed back his fellow Axis powerhouse Shinji Kagawa who maneuvered around HSV defenders like an A6M against Brewster Buffaloes and was unlucky not to get on the scoresheet. Even after racheting their high-tempo offense down a couple of gears, BVB's rock solid defense rarely looked threatened by an anemic HSV attack (loosely-defined) that generated only 2 real chances and was flattered by the final score.
Next up: TSG 1899 Hoffenheim - Dortmund; HSV - Hertha BSC Berlin
Hamburg's Michael Oenning will need to figure out how to translate HSV's success in winning the opening coin toss into 90 minutes of actual play on the pitch. Fortunately hosting Hertha this week will help. Meanwhile ecstatic Dortmund fans left Westfalenstadion looking forward to taking on the Champions League with Wunderkind "Götzinho" and saying "Nuri who?"
SV Werder Bremen - 1. FC Kaiserslautern 2:0 (0:0)
Licking their wounds after an embarrassing 13th-place finish last season and more recently, a 1:2 first-round DFB-Pokal loss to 3rd Division side 1. FC Heidenheim, Bremen looked to show the Weserstadion faithful that the squad really isn't as pathetic as it seems. Fortunately their opponents, who overachieved in their promotion season by riding 7 wins in their last 9 matches to escape relegation, appear to have come back down to earth. The return of Bremen's Swedish striker from his Spanish sojourn at Santander (whose club was ripped by Werder GM Klaus Allofs as "morally bankrupt" for failing to pay for the loan) was the key, with Markus Rosenberg scoring 2 and narrowly missing a hat trick.
Sunday: Bayer Leverkusen - SV Werder Bremen; 1. FC Kaiserslautern - FC Augsburg
Bremen, buoyed by captain Per Mertesacker's comeback, may find that bonus short-lived if rumors of his impending departure to points as yet unknown are true. They'll visit the BayArena Sunday to test both their resurgence and the Werkself's fourth keeper of the young season. And FCK, despite a successful first season back in the top flight, looks to struggle during a more difficult sophomore campaign with its young squad. A 9-1 fouls to chances ratio is not a formula for success. Even against newly-promoted Augsburg.
Hannover 96 - TSG 1899 Hoffenheim 2:1 (2:1)
Another of last year's overachievers started the season off right with a comeback win over Hoffenheim and new coach Holger Stanislawski. All 3 goals happened within a 15-minute span, with Hannover taking a 1:0 lead on a controversial free kick that was either quick thinking by Jan Schlaudraff or a bad call by referee Thorsten Kinhöfer (or both), depending on which team you support. Less controversial were the subsequent penalty kicks from fouls by noted goons Emanuel "Anschluß" Pogatetz and Bayern castoff Edson Braafheid, which led to the tying and eventual winning goals, respectively.
Next up: 1. FC Nürnberg - Hannover 96; TSG 1899 Hoffenheim - Borussia Dortmund
Hannover hope to continue last season's success this Saturday against other surprise overachievers Nürnberg, while dealing with the additional requirement of a tough Europa League play-off against Sevilla next week. Stanislawski also has a long road ahead. While not bereft of talent, one of the youngest sides in the Bundesliga will take time to gel with their new trainer. Hosting Dortmund's "Ballzauberer" this week won't help.
VfB Stuttgart - Schalke 04 3:0 (1:0)
In another entertaining match at the newly renovated Adolf-Hitler Kampfbahn, Century Stadium, Neckarstadion, Gottlieb-Daimler Stadion, Mercedes-Benz Arena, (whew!) VfB ran their home record against Gelsenkirchen's lovable losers over the last 10 seasons to 8-1-3, with an impressive 18-0 goal difference in their 8 wins. Adopted hometown hero Cacau opened the scoring with a classic header in the 37th minute, from new Mexican defender Maza's assist, before Harnik and Okazaki finished things off in the second half. Schalke shockingly managed not a single shot on frame from Raul, young returnee and rising star Lewis Holtby or Klaas-Jan Huntelaar, although some credit must be given to quality interior defensive work from VfB's new "K2" double-pivot of Kvist and Kuzmanovic, as well as Tasci and the aforementioned Maza.
This week: Borussia Mönchengladbach - VfB Stuttgart; FC Schalke 04 - 1. FC Köln
VfB hope their opening win will help banish another "Horrorherbsthinrunde" and the subsequent coach sackings that have characterized the last few seasons. They'll also be hoping for a letdown by Gladbach this weekend after the other Borussen's big win in München last Sunday. Schalke will face an easier task at home against perpetually-in-disarray Köln. The Karnival Klub with its recently dethroned Kronprinz Poldi has been a veritable circus of discontent; expect that to continue after they get thrashed in the Veltins-Arena.
1. FC Köln - VfL Wolfsburg 0:3 (0:1)
New coach Stale Solbakken (Norwegian for "What the hell am I doing here?") has had plenty of headlines since his arrival among the Geißbock and their stubborn (now former) captain Lukas Podolski. Unfortunately none of them good. Add to that injuries to key players, (including Poldi's armband-usurper Geromel) and it looks to be a long autumn with no relief in sight. Who better to take advantage of those problems than "Saddam" Magath himself? Magath's Wolfsburg rebounded from a disastrous DFB-Pokal defeat at the hands of RB Leipzig (who play in the Regionalliga Nord - für alle Nichtdeutschen that's the 4th Division) to shellack Köln. Despite being outplayed for most of the match Köln hung onto a 0:1 deficit until Slovenian striker Milivoje Novakovic left his brain outside Müngersdorferstadion Rhein-Energie-Stadion for a bit of handbags with new tough guy Marco Russ. Having already shown him a yellow, referee Manuel Gräfe promptly sent Novakovic to enjoy an early shower. Die Wölfe then settled the match with 2 goals in the last 10 minutes for a deserved win.
Next up: FC Schalke 04 - 1. FC Köln; VfL Wolfsburg - FC Bayern
Both clubs will face more difficulty this weekend, facing Schalke and Bayern squads hungry for a victory after opening-day embarrassments.
FC Augsburg - SC Freiburg 2:2 (0:0)
Newcomers Augsburg showed their Kampfgeist, overcoming both pre-match drama over coach Jos Luhukay's ouster of popular striker Michael Thurk as well as two SCF leads to earn a hard fought point in the first Bundesliga match at the SGL-Arena. Freiburg relied on goals from Cissé (shocker!) and Makiadi to twice take the lead, before FCA ace Werner Sascha Mölders piloted the Függerstädter with 2 goals in the seesaw second-half for the deserved draw.
Saturday: SC Freiburg - FSV Mainz 05; Sunday: 1. FC Kaiserslautern - FC Augsburg
Freiburg, embarassingly dumped out of the DFB-Pokal 1st round by SpVgg Unterhaching of the 3. Bundesliga and in danger of losing star Cissé, need a result against Mainz this weekend. Meanwhile Augsburg will try to build on their relatively positive introduction to the Bundesliga against K'town at the Fritz Walter Stadion.
Hertha BSC Berlin - 1. FC Nürnberg 0:1 (0:0)
A match so boring it was described in "Kicker" magazine as a "Testbild" with rare scenes in the area to entertain the over 60,000 Olympiastadion fans. Der Club found they only needed to convert 1 of their 2 chances to ruin Hertha's return to the top flight. On top of losing rising stars Julian Schieber to VfB (from loan) and "Silky" Ilkay Gündogan to Dortmund (who debuted in the DFB squad in their 3:2 defeat of Brazil this week), injuries look to cause more problems for Nürnberg. Hertha coach Markus Babbel, who thought he got a raw deal at Stuttgart, may end up redefining that term as Berlin struggle to produce some kind of offense in their latest promotion season.
Saturday: Hamburger SV - Hertha BSC Berlin; 1. FC Nürnberg - Hannover 96
FSV Mainz 05 - Bayer Leverkusen 2:0 (1:0)
Leverkusen, after losing keeper Rene Adler to a preseason knee injury and blowing a 3:0 lead to lose to Dynamo Dresden in the DFB-Pokal, decided borrowing Schalke's uniforms might change their luck. Bad idea. Not only did they lose the match on two relatively bizarre goals, they lost yet another Torwart when 3rd-string keeper Fabian Giefer suffered a concussion that left him unable to remember anything that happened over the last month(given the Werkself's performance over that time, maybe not such a bad thing? - die Redaktion.) The injuries left coach (and noted Torwartzerstörer - die Red.) Robin Dutt with only scheiß Amerikaner David Yelldell available. Giving up 4 goals to Dresden in less than 30 minutes has not exactly endeared Yelldell to the Leverkusen Führer Trainer (or fans: "Ami raus!"), thus enters 19 year-old star prodigy Bernd "Jay" Leno on loan from Stuttgart to hopefully shore up Bayer's space between the sticks.
Saturday: SC Freiburg - FSV Mainz 05; Sunday: Bayer Leverkusen - Werder Bremen
Coach Thomas Tuchel's Mainz will travel to the Black Forest this weekend to hopefully turn around their recent performances at the Dreisamstadion Badenova-Stadion, having lost 1:0 in the last two seasons, both on goals by Cissé (shocker!). At the BayArena on Sunday, Leverkusen fans will hope to at least hold serve against Bremen (5 draws in the last 5 BL matches between the two clubs) and that they can go a full 90 minutes without any additional goalkeeper injuries. Werkself and VfB fans collectively hold their breath.
FC Bayern München - Borussia Mönchengladbach 0:1 (0:0)
Bayern-Gladbach: that 70s show classic (when current Bayern coach Jupp Heynckes led his fellow players of "Die Fohlen" to 4 Bundesliga championships, one DFB Pokal and the UEFA Cup) had been depressingly one-sided over the last decade plus, but finally was resurrected last Sunday at the Allianz Arena by a determined Fohlenelf. Bayern's play, aptly described by Franck Ribery and Thomas Müller as "Scheiße", looked sluggish and uninspired for much of the match. So much so that far more post-match criticism was directed at the field players, particularly the offense, than at expensive new boys Manuel Neuer and Jerome Boateng, whose misunderstanding on an awkward long ball led to Gladbach's conversion of 1 of 2 chances into the winning goal. Despite winning 12 corners, almost 60% possession and over twice as many chances, Bayern simply could not overcome a sturdy central defense (that last year gave up 65 goals!), some excellent tactics from Lucien Favre ("Robbery" were almost completely stifled) and the visitors' steady gain in confidence as the match went on.
Saturday: VfL Wolfsburg - FC Bayern München; Borussia Mönchengladbach - VfB Stuttgart
Bayern travel Saturday to battle their former coach in Wolfsburg and the potential tabloid hype-fest should they fail to win, especially with their first Champions League qualification match looming next week against FC Zürich. Having breathed a sigh of relief when rioting morons in London ended Robben's chance of injury with the KNVB against the 3 Lions, once again Bayern will be without the services of their No. 10, after he injured his groin, hamstring, oblique, back in a bizarre gardening accident Thursday ("Of course he's questionable!" groused Don Jupp). Gladbach return to the friendly confines of the Bökelberg Borussia Park to take on high-flying VfB and looking for some payback for the 0:7 Schwäbische shellacking they suffered in Stuttgart last September.
Bis zum nächsten mal......
Auf geht's!
World Football Daily
